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I Played The Game & After A While I Gave Up On Filling Out Another 60+ Application To Make $27,000 Per Year At Best In 2002. I was #1 On Beachwood’s List For 2 Years & They Didn’t Even Hire any new hires in that time! Every Department’s M.O. At The Time Was To Bring In Those Shore Town Class 1 and 2 Officers Rather Than Spend The Taxpayer’s Dime To Send Someone To The Academy, Even A Qualified Veteran. Look at the Department since 2002 and count the amount of Sons. Relatives or Political Hires. Some have even assisted in the production of Porn Films. But I Digress.

Full Disclosure – In 1995, I was owed a gambling debt from a coworker and the person refused to pay me so I used his Credit Card to get the $200 he owed me. Long Story Short – It was the Worst yet Best Dumb Decision I ever made. Although I completed PTI and the charges were dropped – It came up in every interview I ever had and I tried to own it, however I became an “easy drop” given the hundreds of others with clean backgrounds who were going for the same positions.

I’ve told kids ever since, “All things in life have consequences, Choose Wisely!” 26 Years Later, people still like to hold my poor judgement as an 18 year old over my head. What’s next? My High School Detention Record? It was my first lesson that a poor decision as a teenager can impact your entire life. Kids need to be reminded of this by their Parents and Teachers. Rather than dwell in misery – I persevered. Kids need to be reminded that it’s not about how hard you fall, but how fast you pick yourself up and correct course. Some need more direction than others. Anyway, I’m not perfect – But I also don’t deny the things I’ve done wrong in my life. Life Goes On.

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
  
  TO: All Employees
  
  DATE: August 8, 2021
  
  RE: Gala Christmas Party
  
  I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

  Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

  Merry Christmas to you and your family,

  Patty

Company Memo

  FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
  
  TO: All Employees
  
  DATE: August 8, 2021

  
  RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

  Happy now?

  Happy Holidays to you and your family,

  Patty

  Company Memo
  
  FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
  
  DATE: August 9, 2021
  
  RE: Holiday Party
 

  Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?   Somebody………. 
  And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
  REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

  Company Memo
  
  FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
  
  To: All Employees
  
  RE: Generic Holiday Party
  
  What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.  >> There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House  can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

  Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

  Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men; each group will have their own table.
  Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.

  To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the  restrooms. Sorry.

  We will have booster seats for short people.

  Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

  I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo

 FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
  
  TO: All Fucking Employees
  DATE: August 11, 2021

RE: The F****** Holiday Party

 I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your ****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW! 
The rest of you ****** weirdo’s can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from Hell!!!
Company Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: August 12, 2021

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her.


Happy Holidays!

Joan

One Of The Most Loyal & Genuine Civilian Friends I Have Ever Had The Pleasure Of Knowing!

I can’t help it that I was born Flamboyantly Heterosexual! But did you ever notice that it’s ONLY when Dan Leonard says or does something that it rises to the level of “Outrage” ???? Is it because I am close? Is it because my GAF Factor remains consistently steady at Zero? Nope – People are Hypocrites and would rather point their finger outward than inward. I may be a Dick – But at least I am Consistent.

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Now In The Morning I Sleep Alone – Sweep The Streets I Used To Own